Will Reading....

 

The Official Will Reading

Transcripts taken from the reading of the will.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us on the day to celebrate a life that was...

Before we begin we would like to observe protocol and welcome our guests.

The Chicken Licken and KFC Hot wings family; The McDonalds Ranch Premium Chicken family; The Nandos and Mochachos 1/4 Chicken Family; The Fish and Chips Russian and Chips Family; The Akhalwaya Russian and Chips Special Family; The Tasha's Creamy Pesto; The Pizza Perfect Family; The Woolworths Dessert Association; All the members and affiliated members of the Piemans Pastry Family; The Bismillahs Chicken Korma Family and lastly The Bakery Family.

What I am about to read is a list of items that was set aside for the families invited to this gathering. Many of you know the very reason why you are here while others are probably shocked. Many of you in this room have contributed immensely to us being here so without wasting time i will get into the proceedings of the day.

 1. The Chicken Licken and KFC family will jointly share the 50% of the muffin top estate in Low Tummy.

2. The McDonalds Ranch Premium family will receive the other 50% of the muffin top estate in Lower Tummy.

3. The Nando's and Mochachos Family will receive the Upper Tummy Mid section. 

4. The Fish and Chips Russian and Chips Family will receive the love Handles situated in Lower Back Cottage.

5. The Akhalwaya Family will receive the thighs section Inland and Outland regions

6. The Tasha's Pesto Family will receive the Neckline Boulevard Estate in Neckville

7. The Pizza Perfect family will receive the Double Chin Valley Guest House in Round hook.

8. The Woollies Dessert Association will receive the Back Neck Retreat.

9. Piemans Pastry family will get the extra meat section and the meat farm section of the entire body region.

10. Bismillah Chicken Korma will receive that upper body extra's.

11. The Bakery family will receive all the upper back fields that yield big fruit for the past couple of years.

This concludes the will reading.

You all have 6 months to collect your inheritances before they are all burnt to the ground.

Thank you

What's for Lunch???

Thought I'd share some of my recipes so you can give em a try.

SPIN-za-RELLA (Spinach and Mozzarella Chesse)

                      

INGREDIENTS

2 slices cracker bread

Onion portion

Spinach portion

Mushroom (optional/ portion)

Portion Mozzarella

1 teaspoon of light nola mayo

Spices for seasoning 

Dice your onion, mushroom and spinach and set aside.

Heat up your pan and when hot spray your pan with your olive oil cook in spray

Pour out your onions and cook till golden brown, (if your onion are not cooked add some water and wait for the water to dry out)

Add salt and pepper

Then add your spinach or mushroom stir until cooked.

Set your cracker bread on a plate and smear with your mayo portion, pour out some of your hot dish onto the cracker and clothe with the cheese. Add another layer and close of with the other cracker bread. 

Grab your sandwich scorch the bread on either side to toast the bread and melt the cheese.

ENJOY!!!!!!!

Week 12_weigh in

Week 12

RESULTS

OK! OK! OK! I still don't see how much weight I have lost so I rely on the pictures a lot. You know when they say "ofcoz you won't see a differecne because you see yourself everyday"? Well they are right. Apart from my clothes sagging that is my only indication that something is going down, literally. 

And I must say it feels gooooood, this could actually work, 60's here I come.

FACE CHANGE

Not sure if its the lighting but looks like I lost my complexion. 

`

LESSON#1 Yes, I LOST my complexion, black people have it all twisted.  

I lost my complexion and gained a more fair complexion. 

Who needs bleach!!!

The scaling on this one is not so accurate so you can't really see, unless you look at specific areas.

Not impressed with the girls shrinking like that, #smh.

STOP LOOKING at my girls!!!

I hope all the weight transfers to my bum bum, but what are the chances. *HEAVY SIGH*

THIS IS WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO... THE NOMOROZ

Start weight = 120,95kg
Goal weight = 60's
Current weight = 100,20 (000.20 away from the DOUBLE DIGITS!!!!!)

Total weight loss = 20,75 kgs

Week 8_weigh in

Week 8 

RESULTS

Starting weight = 120,95kg
Goal weight = 60's
Current Weight = 105, 10KG

Total lost in 2 months = 15, 85 KGEEEEEES

NEXT IS THE 12 WEEKS PROGRESS PICS, YOU DONT WANNA MISS THOSE!

#TEAMCUCUMBER!!!!!!!!!

Press Play > [][], Beyonce's eish i mean Destiny'a Child "Survivor" playing in the background.

This post is just to show you in pictures what I've had to say NO THANKS I'm fine to since my 8 month slim down program kicked off. The best therapy for such is knowing that all these goodies will still be around when I come off. That's is Jesus doesn't come sooner.

I hope this encourages you.

Grabs cracker bread as the office sings Happy Birthday to Aphiwe. *sigh*

This is Zinhles 6th Birthday lunch, I tell you baba word and all. DEATH!

 RANDOM!!!!!!!! Office pizza from Scandal

 brought my nunu a slice of cake for her birthday and watched her eat it :(

 This was a family outing, another word fiesta!!!!

 MORE RANDOM OFFICE PIZZA!!!! 

 Chane's farewell breakfast

 NAMING AND SHAMING_My cousin left this on the counter for my eyes. Can you imagine???

 Music rights workshop, quicheeeeee!!!!! 

 Then when I got back to the office from the workshop, these are chilling on the counter.

 legatos lunch, it smelt so GOOOOD!

Then the opening of the edit suites lunch 

You'd think I would be able to eat these, mara nope couldn't.

On the upside, I have something to look forward to...

My best friend Rennie/ Our breakup #TRUESTORY

Any one who has ever spent more than a day with me would know that Rennie and I were very close. Just like Mary's little lamb anywhere that Kmo went Rennie was sure to go. I would forget anything at home my cell phone, phone battery, wallet, drivers license and life would go on, but God forbidooooo I forget Renee, Death, Death, Death!

Yes this was my thing, like Ike and Tina, Boonie and Clyde, or Hellen Zille and Lindiwe Mazibuko it was always Kmo and Rennie. Many people have drug problems, criminal records, and warrants of arrest, I on the other hand had "Heart Burn". If heart burn was a true indication of pregnancy I would have been "mithi"(pregnant) for almost 3 years.

I had come to a point in my life that if I didn't feel any sort of discomfort after making "man-jik"or magic with the Chicken Licken party 16 wings meal (which I shared of cause, unevenly, but shared never the less) *side eyes* I would just pop Rennie just in case i did feel what seemed like Batista's choke slam inside my chest but this one lasted a good 20 minutes.

It was only after I started on the 60's journey that I realised that its because of my eating habits that Rennie and I had grown so close. You probably thinking, DAHHHH! if you eat nonsense you will reap what you sow, well in my defense it had come to a point where I would have a glass of water in the morning and I would start getting all hot and bothered on/ in my chest area, so obviously what I was eating had nothing to do with my heartburn. *that was the intelligent me trying to justify that heart burn is not only coursed by indigestion and unhealthy eating habits* even WATER mos-tun, so I carried on, fueling the fire.

I laugh when I look back and how close this was to an addiction, if i had to collect all my shopping receipts, I'm almost certain that I would have been considered an addict. In retrospect YES, I was a junkie, and now that the revelation has come its clear that de-NILE is not just a river in Egypt.

This is for my former friend Rennie, we had some really good times and some really crappy ones, you really knew how to extinguish my fires. And maybe one day when I am "mithi" we will meet again but for now, *SMS tone* Please Call... ITS OVER. Pay R60 per month for your life cover sms cover to 32452 or STOP to opt out...

"How long is this guy going to pray for because I AM HUNGRY" Poem by @Karness

YEP, THIS IS A BONUS POST!!!!!

Thought I share this AWESOME POEM.

One of the poems I saw that made me go TJO!!!

If this does not open follow link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yV3K8NcVt2o&feature=g-user-u

I love @Karness Turner's ability to tell it like it is, and the fact that he a saved wooooo Nkosi lami vele o yummy... *REPENTS*.

Check out his Facebook > www.facebook/karness and You tube page > www.youtube.com/user/KarnessTurner/feed?filter=1 For more.

Also check out  http://www.youtube.com/user/P4CM?feature=watch for some really really hot "Spoken Word" poetry.

_GodIS

Week 4 _ Weigh In

Its about that time we scale up and hope we've scaled down. My first 4 weeks on the "Fast", I hate the word diet, have been surprisingly ohk. I expected some really deep pot holes but the road was fairly smooth.

I walked into my consultants office with a big smile on my face, I was expecting some really good news...

PROGRESS IS...

HOW COOL IS THAT!!!!!!!!?????

Starting weight: 120,95kg
Week 4 weigh in: 111,90kg

That's 9,05kg in 4 weeks that's almost the size of the big packet of dog food! Jeeeeepers, how was I even carrying that weight around? My consultant always says "the body is very forgiving" in this case its soooo true.

But we all know who the REAL Boss is, and I am not talking about Ntate Ross.

Say Waa? What was that about NO SUGAR?

That day had finally come when I would have to turn from my ways and focus on bringing sexy back. My consultant took time to break down what the next few days would be like.

Obviously it wasn't going to be easy but I was ready. Giving up bread, milk, rama and oil was ok I guess but giving up sugar was going to be my ultimate test. I didn't like tea but suddenly that thought of not having it available drove my a lil nuts.

I was warned that week 1 "the detox week" would come with withdrawals, temper tantrums, mood swings and headaches but I must of disappointed the statistics because this was not the case at all. I slipped into my detox week comfortably.

I was expecting to be dying of hunger and end up deciding to move my start date so I could make an appearance at McDees one more time, but it was late for me, the thought of me in a stomach out bikini top rocking 6 inch heels was already tattooed on my heart, I was determined.

I carefully cooked my meals for the week because my schedule has a life of its own, I didn't want to put anything to chance so I prepared my meals a week ahead, popped them in the fridge and went about my business. This was the routine for the next four weeks.

I'd say I'm on the right track...

This are my week 0/1 preparation pics.  First night took me almost 6 hours to prepare, that has since changed, i can slap together a weeks meals in half the time.

Looks good right? But sometimes it didnt taste so good. Then I remembered my consultants voice "For the next few months food is your medicine"

 

Week 0

I hope I don't regret posting these pics up.... *hides*

This is my Week 0 picture

Weight - 120.95 kg
Goal weight - 60 something kg's

I don't know if this is even possible, I am told that a woman of my size, height and shoe size should be averaging somewhere around that number, so imma give it a shot.

Quiet Please! Melting in Progress.

M60 TRAFFIC! Expect delays.

You probably wondering WHY I want to give up ALL-A-DIS for a small frame. Its pretty simple 

"ke batla kgo apara stomach out"/ "I want to be able to wear a crop top". 

FINISH 'N KLAAR/ FULL STOP.

All my life I had-tz ta fight, yes that is from "The Colour Purple" *Oprah says that to Whoopi after her altercation with Harpo* _ oOhhhh I love that movie but back to the blog.

All my life I've had to fight the edge to say "voeksak, bumba ke maw" (piss off, yo momma is the fat one) doesn't sound so cool in english ne? Anyway whether it was a bus packed with school kids, a taxi with off duty drivers or even random passer-by's, all of them seems to have an opinion about my weight. Even family members I haven't seen in years always had something to say, the conversation would always start with, "aowoooo khomotso gape o se dutla"(oh but Khomotso you are fat) i never knew how to respond to that except to say I'm happy, not that I wasn't but just to move the conversation along. Think about it, what do you say when someone says "you have grown so fat"?

Truth is as much as being big and meaty is "African", its a hard imagine to keep. Today we are known as "plus size", "full figured", "bootylicious", "voluptuous", "vavatious" and all these seemingly "sugar coated" words that are supposed to make us content and happy mara the truth is, its not fun being big.

For instance I've had to worry about things that don't seem to bother the next person, like worrying about whether the seat belt on the plane will fit me or not, what do i say when an old friend runs into me with my "Maybe Baby" clothing items hanging out of my basket? If i stay to long at the buffet table would you judge me?

Most people would say "Gosh this chick is insecure" well of course I am, in the society that we are living in who isn't? Another would say "you must be comfortable in your own body" well there is no such thing.You try not breaking a sweat while trying to reach your toe nails just to paint em, because between the "sbejeje" (muffin top) and the big stomach, bending down to reach down is strenuous! So don't tell me about insecurities we all have them, comfort is a luxury i can't afford.

This blog is for me, so that I can remember where I came from, I am on a journey to get my body back on track, even if it means loosing half of my body weight to get there, this is a road I am taking. Over the next few months this will be my journey documented here so that you can laugh a me and not at another FAT girl you see because your life is all peaches and cream.

Road-tripping to the 60's

What is in a name?

My name is Dahlia, Khomotso Kekana and I was born after the passing on of my grand-father. My name means Comfort in English or Duduzile in Zulu. You could say I brought peace for my family at a time of need.

I am sure that by now you know why I decided to start blogging, if you don't; I started this blog to remind me of where I had come from and to also encourage someone who is probably also tired of being heavy from carrying access luggage. 

When one takes a journey, there is no telling what lays ahead, you don't really know what to expect until you are in the moment. You may encounter smooth sailing or you could be faced with some heavy drama, puncher, run out of gas, fall asleep, hit a rock or even wind up in hospital (hopefully it doesn't get to, that but stay with me here) I am trying to paint a picture of the road less traveled, I've never really dieted before seriously like i am now, i don't know what to expect, all i have is a map of where I am going and a spare wheel. Use this as a chance for you to avoid my pit-falls and trippings on the road.

Map - Check
GPS - Check
Spare Wheel - Check
Encouragement - Check
Stomach out and Bikini - Check

Jane (GPS): Redirecting, in 100 meters turn RIGHT

LEGOOOOOOO!

WE GO LIVE TOMORROW - 1st October 2012

This is it... Michael Jackson playing in the back ground.

ROAD-TRIPPING 2 the 60's. Bags packed, engine running... GWALA